Homily @Saint Andrew’s

18 February, 2024

OPEN:  I had a recent conversation with a friend who was going to attend a conference on Artificial Intelligence.  She had been asked to open the conference with a prayer and decided she’d ask ChatGPT to write it.  I was so curious about the result!  I asked her to share it with me—which she did.  And that led us to a conversation about whether AI prayer “counts”?  Is it legitimate prayer?  I have to say, the heavy hand with cliches and tropes and fact that AI insisted on rhyming the prayers it generated almost made me say NOPE— but really, Words from AI—Words from a book…The words I sometimes utter in prayer that certainly don’t really sound much like a prayer but are intended that way…Is there really that much difference?  I suspect it has less to do with the words we use than the Disposition of our own heart.

Disposition:  Orientation…toward what is my heart disposed?  Where is my attention oriented?  Is it upon God and the substance of the prayer?  What is within its scope?

Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity…Simone Weil 

When I was thinking about this morning, I considered what most often filled my prayer…and I came up with three things:  I have such a curiosity… There is such need… and I am grateful.  And they came to me in that order…not as a ranking of importance, but for me, it was more of a flow.  More on that in a bit.

I have such a curiosity… Wonder, Marvel, Awe as prayer. And the desire for growth.  

I have recently been reading a book by John O’Donohue called Beauty.  He had a line about thought being a realm of the holy.  I was over the moon to have someone put it like that. I know myself to be a curious person—I once asked Kevin something about how the organ worked and then got to see!  The wind room, the pipes and adjustable peaked hats… Amazing!  The genius of it!  The science!  Not in the least separate from God any more than the music it creates is separate.  The science of the forces of nature…Physics… the intricacies of life…Chemistry… And Nature!  Augh! The petal arrangements in dahlias…each one different, perfect, unique…a celebration of God’s creativity…. Time with all of this?  The attention, the awe and wonder of my heart that is spent captivated by God’s creation played out in any number of mediums and settings?  Prayer.  

What holds our attention, our fascination, our marvel…that leads to the contemplation of God?

And the desire for growth…Please help me understand.  I have such a curiosity—please help me understand this person that I find challenging.  Please help me understand why I have a particular response in a situation. You have given me gift and talent, what is my call? How am I called to use them to serve your greater good?  

Please help me understand…I have such a curiosity to see, to know, to experience, to draw closer to…the Still More that is you.

There is such need… Petition as prayer—but for what?  If we believe that we are of God and that God is everywhere…then “Please be with” is already happening.  “May they feel your presence…” May they know that they are not alone…feel that they are being held… Knowing That, Believing That… that is some powerful stuff…Sustaining stuff…What are we saying when praying for others?  May you know Love. Feel that you walk with Love, welcome, understanding… You are not alone.  

There is such need also looks like Please inspire right action…on the part of your people.  May leaders choose to do what serves your Love, your Welcome, your Mercy, Compassion, Justice… May I make that choice even in the face of others also exercising their prerogative and choosing what would seem to be something different… God is with us already…we are the hands and feet and the will to choose… 

But sometimes—and I don’t know about you—but sometimes, I don’t have a clue. I remember this coming home to me in an acute way—-I was on one side of a door, about to enter into a situation that could have gone sideways in a heartbeat. I had no idea what was waiting or what I was going to need to do, or frankly, whether I could do it.  Petition in that moment sounded like ‘This one’s on you.  I’ve got nothing.’  May I do what you would have me do and say what you would have me say. No matter how it turns out, this is what I can do.  And it didn’t go well…not really.  After I was through, I went down the hill to a cafe run by two women who gave me a booth, asked no questions, and kept brining me tea for a couple of hours.  I was not alone.  I knew care, welcome, respite…

And the piece of I am grateful… I mentioned a flow of things at the beginning—and while thinking about this and putting it together, I realized that gratitude for me was the ‘flow into’ rather than the ‘flow from.’  Not that I don’t sometimes begin with gratitude when praying… I do.  But so often for me, gratitude follows the curiosity, the awe, the petition.  The other day, I was standing on the front porch, having knocked off a row of ice-daggers, and water melting from the deck above would slide down to where the icicles had been.  Each drop was a perfect sphere in the sunlight…there was a row of six or seven of these prismatic wonders, each throwing a rainbow and falling and being replaced…I stood there marvelling at the cycle of colours, light, dying and rising, for a good couple of minutes.  And was filled with gratitude for that moment, that place, that sphere of attention that included God’s marvellous sense of design.   

That said, for me gratitude follows because I’m not always grateful for what is most immediately in front of me. It’s hard to be grateful sometimes, is it not?  Because sometimes, life is hard, plain and simple.  No amount of spin will make it easier or better or fix it.  My heart might well be angry or sad or still or empty… But in the end, is it turned toward God? Do I choose to bring myself intentionally into a a space or place where I can say…I am grateful for your abiding love that has brought me to this moment—because without it I don’t know where I’d be?  And right now your love looks like…the dog on the street that made a galumphing bee line for me to offer its head for scratches and ears for stroking; it looks like a favourite mug in the morning, filled with something hot and steamy; it looks like a friend who listens without judgment; it sounds like quiet or laughter; it feels like the warm pressure of a hug; it tastes like the salt of my tears. God’s love, whole, complete, upon me and all surrounding without condition or hesitation.  No matter what.  That’s the biggest gratitude I know.

CONCLUDE

Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity…Said Simone Weil…

Walking WITH…If we walk with our hearts oriented toward God…Then God is walking with us…with God’s heart oriented toward us. What generosity!

It’s a stunning and best kind of humbling if/then…

The humbling realization that we are within the attention of God… And the very real possibility that prayer is mutual…

What if God too said…

I am so curious…How’s it going? 

There is such need… Here’s what I’m asking of You…or What do YOU need?

I am so grateful…for you too, for you too…