From the Notebook: Evolution and Awareness

From my notebook… 13 May, 2020, 6:31 A.M.

I can’t help but think that this quarantine/physical distancing is (or at least ‘feels like it is’ changing our wiring as a collective humanity—and I am aware of it. That might be one of the strangest aspects of this whole thing. How often in history has humanity, have I, been aware of (again—what FEELS like) sociological, evolutionary, reprogramming?

The question I ask myself is Okay, what will you do with/how do you live with the awareness? With the evolution? And the answers seem to be two different yet related things…

With the evolution itself, there’s a little Dylan Thomas happening—Do not go gentle into that good night—that has me aching and chaffing…I’ll do what is helpful to the well-being of the whole, but I will not be resigned to believing that not touching another human is the reality of our future. I hold out hope that one day I will again be able to embrace those who hold a place in my heart… Hm—this reminds me of one of my regular petitions/prayers… ‘God, may your will be done… though, I am not indifferent or without opinion.’ In a sense, Help me hold both…Grant me the strength to work with what IS and not lose sight of what more could be. This inspires both hope and gratitude as well as humility

In many ways, the awareness of this rewiring, this external shaping, is a good thing…To be aware that my behaviours, some of my topics of thought, my ways of being, are being shuffled down a path proscribed by outside forces instead of by my own desires, preferences, choosing. I absolutely don’t like some parts of it, but the awareness of it—that is a learning for which I am grateful. How many people in this world live with that truth All the Time because of any number of factors? Skin tone, country of origin, gender, sexuality, language, ways using language, religion, social class… It is a time to listen to other stories, to witness their light, shining through the prism of a different perspective and be open, be opened, to a bigger truth, a bigger Real, to broader, deeper, wider, hope for something different…and how I might play a part— Am I hindering that by my behaviour or am I helping to bring about something better, for more?

The evolution of awareness; the awareness of evolution…Things are definitely not what they were two months ago. Nor are they now what they will be two months hence. For today, it feels like I’m in the bend.

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