It isn’t as though I don’t know that an adventure is coming. I have been making piles for a while now and going over lists. I have purchased what new is needed and found what has been tucked away since the last time. I have washed, folded, selected, bagged, and packed. I have copied documents, checked on a map, read articles, and called or messaged with people who are important to me.
Yet, it is when I removed my keys from my bag and placed them carefully in the center of my dresser this evening that I felt it most deeply in my heart. The thrill of freedom and the wonder of whether the next branch will hold me when I fold my wings for the night. The genuine curiosity to go and see and learn and offer what help I can and the awareness that the keys to some of what I find comforting are not with me in the same way. The feeling of being loose around the edges without the the concrete grounding of keys to a known home and yet believing that there is nothing, nothing. that can separate me from the love of God so shoulder up the satchel of necessaries and head on into discovery and revelation.
Oddly, I am glad for this combination of feelings because it speaks to me of God and of love. I’m not sure I’d be so keen on it if leaving were too easy or if I believed that it didn’t matter that I returned…
I am a firm believer in the reality that I am not indispensable… But I also find grace filled consolation in believing that it matters that I return as much as it matters that I leave. Love has taught me that. It is the blending of Remain in me and I will remain in you and go out to all the world and tell the good news.
And so I go this Friday…away for a month…without much if any access to the Internet…to help an rscj project in another country…and I will be back in August…holding the keys again, but I suspect, entering my home in a different way. And that is part of the adventure.