I’d think that by now I might have caught on. Yes, perhaps after a toe across the line of four decades, it would be expected. But nope. The plain fact is adventure brings a bit of chaos along for the ride as well as the grace to forget that part until the next time around.
I know this. I am typing within a U shape of cardboard boxes full of my things, a notebook open to my ever changing to-do list, and a mental panorama that spans both time and space. In 14 days, I leave the City that has taught me what it is like to actually imagine staying somewhere. Here I have found an expansive diversity that welcomes the fullness of who I am, a diversity that appreciates the gifts I can offer and calls them forth as something necessary to add to the whole. I have been loved here and I have loved–both people and places. New York has a place in my heart I never dreamed was even part of that inner landscape…
In telling folks that I am leaving, I have had one person say he was glad I was going before I stayed put and got “crusty.” There is truth to that. I know myself well enough to know that no matter how happy I am here, the question of leaving would begin at some point to whisper its poetry to me:
“Arise my love, my fair one, and come…” “Go and do likewise…” “You will see greater things than this…”
And why not give in to the lush invitation, to the curiosity steeped in discernment–Where is God calling me? Where is the need? How can I respond best?
The “more” of God is limitless! The promise of that never ends–therefore the hope does not end! As Paul is, let me also live convinced “that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.”
While living that isn’t always a walk in the park–Central, Battery, Union Square, or otherwise, it is all about love. And home. Another friend asked me about my beloved parish and the sadness of leaving a physical place and worship community that has been such a banquet of grace over the years.
Xavier has shown me that the best sort of home prepares us to leave and is ready to welcome again. We learn to love more in a place that is truly home. And, we learn to be loved. Home is not about staying put, home is about giving and receiving and being free and loving. I understand a little more fully now what it means to find home in God–because the love of God shared among people is what makes the home and that love moves with us.
I am home in the presence of the love of God…and that love, wonderously, is always and everywhere and now and forever with me.
What an absolutely enticing thrill.